|Posted by mandy mcmahan on December 7, 2011 at 9:50 PM||comments (0)|
I miss the guy who answered my phone calls every time no matter how busy he was or how late it was.
I miss the guy who kissed me on the forehead when he knew I was sad. He knew it was either going to cheer me up or it was going to make me cry, but he was always there to dry my tears.
I miss the guy who always opened the door for me even though he knew I was capable of opening it myself.
I miss the guy who drove me home everyday just to sing me songs and laugh with me.
I miss the guy who would tell me stupid jokes when I was mad about something and made me completely forget I was mad.
I miss the guy who took care of me when I was sick knowing he was going to get sick because of it a few days later.
I miss the guy who taught me how to trust and love people for who they are no matter what their back story is.
I miss the guy who would drop everything if I needed him for something.
I miss the guy who never lied to me no matter what.
I miss the guy who loved me for me and never tried to change me.
I miss the guy who would do anything to help people, whether he knew them or not.
I miss the guy who gave me his jacket before I was even cold.
I miss the guy who would let me win ping pong even though we both knew I suck at it..
I miss the guy who never judged me, and loved me for exactly who I was.
I miss the guy whose smile could light up a room and make everything better.
I miss the guy who loved his family and mine despite their flaws.
I miss the guy who would show up just to surprise me.
I miss the guy who wanted to make sure I was always alright and taken care of.
I miss the guy who I could talk on the phone with for hours and he never wanted to hang up.
I miss the guy who I could tell my deepest secrets to and know they would never be told.
I miss the guy who thought I was sexy even after I tripped up the stairs.
I miss the guy who got mad when people hurt me and stood up for me.
I miss the guy who wrote me love notes everyday in class.
I miss the guy I could lay in the hammock with and not speak a word to, but somehow left and felt like we had an entire conversation.
I miss the guy who wasn't afraid to be himself and didn't care about what people thought about him.
I miss the guy who never broke a promise to me.
I miss the guy who stood up for his family and friends.
I miss the only guy who love and cared about me unconditionally.
I miss Ronnie Bochette. I will never find another person even remotely close to him. He was an amazing friend, boyfriend, son, brother, and person. He was a wonderful angel and will never be forgotten. I hope he knows what a positive impact he made on so many people's lives.
|Posted by mandy mcmahan on November 11, 2011 at 12:40 AM||comments (0)|
It amuses me at how often and easily guys throw around the word "Bitch". In my opinion there are different levels of bitch. There is the just plain as day, in your face bitch. This is someone who is bitchy 24/7 no matter what the situation. This is probably a girl who isn't shocked when called the word because she already knows she is one. I feel like the category my friends and I fall into are the girls that are nice, but stand our ground when challenged. It's annoying when you go out of your way to be nice to people and that is taken advantage of. So yea...sometimes it is necessary to just be a bitch. Being bitchy at some point is bound to happen. Somehow a lot of you men don't understand what triggers these occurances. I'll try to fill you in on some of our major pet peeves and how to avoid bringing out the bitch in us....
If a woman talks to you like you are a three year old, unless you are three...she is being a bitch. Why? You most likely were acting like a three year old, therefore deserving the tone fitting for your mental age. The solution here would be...stop acting like a child if you don't want to be treated like one.
If you try to purposly make us jealous of other women we will show you what a bitch is. There will always be somebody smarter, prettier, and nicer somewhere. We know this...but we also know what you are trying to do. If you are going to cheat then just go ahead and do it, because there will always be another guy who is smarter, more handsom, and nicer than you as well...
If you tell a woman to stop talking to or hanging out with her friends she is going to get bitchy. Regardless of your opinion, when you break her heart, it's her friends that are going to be the ones there to pick up the pieces. They love her regardless of her flaws, mood swings, and probably know a whole hell of a lot more about her than you do. Don't tell her who she can and can't hang out with unless you have a death wish. We may not think your friends are so wonderful either...
Don't play mind games...you WILL lose. Women are smarter than men. If you want to mess with our heads we are going to figure out what you are doing and play right back. How do you avoid us turning into manipulative bitches? Don't play games with somebody who plays better...
If your girlfriend of wife gets annoyed with you because you won't let her help assemble furniture, fix a broken fence, or help with repairing something...it's not because they are being a bitch. It is because they are trying to keep you from doing it wrong or hurting yourself because you refuse to open the instructions. How do you avoid this? If you want your man card back then start reading the directions and do it right the first time, or move over and let us show you how to do it correctly.
If you make plans with your girl then blow her off (especially on multiple occasions) to do other things, expect her to be a bitch. When you make plans with somebody you should actually show up. How about we reverse the roles and let you get excited, get ready, and then leave you sitting on the couch waiting around all night by yourself. If you flake then don't bother calling because you will most likely only be speaking to voicemail. Also, don't expect us to stay sitting on that couch. The date night you just flaked on just turned into girls night out or somebody else's date night.
Don't lie to us. Plain and simple...If we catch you lying, then expect to be called out on it. If you continue to lie after we already know you are lying, well that's just asking for trouble. If you think you are smart enough to lie, then be ready to deal with the aftermath and the break in trust you just caused.
If you accuse us of lying and being deceptive when actually you are the one being sketch-tastic then be ready for the massive shit storm you just initiated. There is nothing more frustrating than to be accused of something you haven't done. It's even more frustrating when we find out you are actually the POS that has been lying all along. I'm not sure why people need to pull this manipulation tactic, but it's not acceptable.
Expect women to get salty when you never seem to have the time to text or call us, but then sit on your phone constantly sending and receiving texts to other people right in front of us. Hello idiot...are you that stupid? How do you avoid your phone getting knocked out of your hand? Stop being rude.
If you want to be hypocritical then don't be shocked when we pull out the bitch card. If you want a day to yourself...trust me, we DON'T need to see your everyday. But if you expect to get time and guys nights, then don't throw it in our face when we ask for the same. This is not a dictatorship and you are not our dad. How do you avoid a fight? Put your foot in your mouth before you yell at your girl for asking for and doing the same thing you are asking for and doing.
Guys...Don't be late. If you have plans with somebody why is it so hard to be there around the time you say you are? It's called a clock, take a peek at one sometime. It normally takes girls longer to get reay than it does guys. If we can be on time you have no excuse. A few minutes late is acceptable...an hour not so much. How do you avoid the wrath of an annoyed bitch? I don't know one guy who doesn't have a phone....USE IT!
Is there a reason men feel the need to be controlling? We are not your property. If you have a girl with self-esteem and good relationship values then why do you feel the need to interrogate her and try to control what she does and says? Guys tell us all the time we are naive and too trusting. I have no problem kicking the shit out of anyone who steps out of line. Here's a secret... We survived perfectly fine before you came along....we can also survive without you. Stop being insecure. It's not attractive...
For those single guys...Here is some bar etiquette tips: Don't grab our ass, don't spill your drink on us because you are too drunk to hold it, don't tell us how hot we are after you are 6 drinks deep, you don't need to touch us...at any point, and if you are having a conversation with us you don't need to be 1 inch from our face. It's called personal space, get the hell out of it. If we refuse a drink from you, stop getting so offended. Girls don't like the taste of roofies. If we say no...it actually means NO! When you consistently ask for a phone number or to go on a date and we keep refusing or avoiding the topic, it means we want nothing to do with you and you should probably save yourself some dignity by walking away. Most of the time we give you a fake name and number anyway. If we want to talk to you, you will know.
So guys...Next time you want to imply that we are all just a bunch of bitches just remember....behind every bitch is a guy that made her that way.
|Posted by mandy mcmahan on December 14, 2010 at 10:55 PM||comments (1)|
I realized these days everyone is always so stressed. People are late on mortgages, students are taking finals, and people are trying to find jobs….All of us have some type of a personal relationship with stress. That wonderful thing that makes us cranky, depressed, and want to pull our hair out. YES, I am being sarcastic about the whole wonderful thing. I recently have been very stressed and know quite a few others that have been too.
The funny thing is stress was supposed to save us. Take a wild horse for instance. Stress is the feeling a horse gets when being chased by a predator. It is supposed to kick in for survival. When running for one’s life your lungs open up and allow you to pump massive amount of oxygen, your heart beats faster to allow the oxygen to pump throughout your body so muscles will respond. Anything that is not necessary for your survival shuts down. The horse is able to shut down the stress level after it is safe, but for some reason we cannot. We worry about things all the time even if they are simple and non-life threatening. We get stressed because we want to protect ourselves from missing the bill, passing that test, or getting to work on time. In all reality we are hurting ourselves more by sweating the small stuff.
Stress is becoming very dangerous to people. It not only affects your mental health like anxiety, energy, mood changes, and depression. It also affects you physically by causing you sleep disorders, eating problems, Immune system failure, increased blood pressure, and damage to brain cell.
People under stress often engage in unhealthy behavior in order to cope with certain stressors. This can include alcohol, cigarettes, and sometimes even drugs. I know when I get stressed I feel like a drink or two can help. Temporarily and in moderation yes…it makes me feel better. But once the effects wear off I am still staring at the same problem as I was before. Some people take it overboard to mask their problems, which become a vicious cycle of stress mixed with drugs and alcohol. When a person is under the influence of these, any emotion that they felt before hitting up the bar for those “I’ll have another until I feel better drinks” is going to be heightened. This is how a lot of people end up harming themselves, because they cannot think clear enough to realize stress can be controlled to a point and situations can always get worse. You never know the level of stress a person is going through. It is a very individualized emotion, and to one person a stressor may be highly overwhelming, but to another it is a very minor concern.
Stress is not always negative though in moderation. There are also positive types of stress. When it’s the right type of stress we absolutely love it. Moderate amounts of stress like galloping on a horse, or riding a rollercoaster, skydiving, and scary movies are semi controlled and sought out by some. People pay good money to experience certain stressors. You know when you get off the amusement park ride that it is over and stress levels drop. That is because you have some sort of control over being put in the situation.
Society and social standing is a major part of stress. Surprisingly more dominant people who are higher up in the corporate ladder are less stressed than people lower in the social standing. Dominant people have lower stress levels and low rankers have increased heart rates and blood pressure. The Whitehall Study investigated this and proved that men in higher ranking jobs were less stressed because they felt they had more control in their life. Speaking from personal experience…I am not my own boss and it is hard always making sure I try to please what somebody else wants. I got lucky with finding a good job with a great boss, so if I screw up, he explains how to fix it and what the right way is. In a lot of jobs people are in fear of losing their jobs instantly, not getting the credit they deserve, and struggling for a glimpse at climbing the social ladder. I feel like employers can fix this by acknowledging somebody’s hard work, not being s quick to snap, and listening to their employees suggestions with an open mind. Everybody just wants the feeling of control in life. They want to be in charge of a responsibility, or be able to live on their own, and to be confident enough to step out of their comfort level without having a nervous breakdown in the process.
Obviously ignoring or trying to forget your problems is not the solution and not a good route to take. Trust me I use to try that one and it never worked for me! It only put the farther up shit creek than where I was when I started out. But the human stress response is becoming more damaging than the stress itself. I have been incredibly stressed lately but I buckled down, did what I needed to do, then sat back and relaxed. I feel a lot better. I know something is going to happen again this week or next, but I’m going to do what I can to fix it, and if I can’t well then I just can’t…..
People I have observed lately get so flustered with their lives, sometimes you have to sit back and realize that there is always somebody out there that is going through something more difficult than you. It does get worse. So maybe if we stopped thinking about ourselves for two seconds and tried to help others we would be less stressed about our own problems.
Compassion for others in need can possibly save you as well. I heard on a documentary that non-social and disconnected people have been known to die earlier than people who have social affiliation. It’s the whole “it’s better to give than receive” belief. So rather than killing yourself physically and mentally step out and help someone in need. Maybe the world would be less stressed out and a whole lot nicer if more people thought like that.
I’m not a scientist or doctor so if you disagree with some of my information or opinions let me know…..or preferably keep it to yourself ; )
|Posted by mandy mcmahan on September 24, 2010 at 2:10 PM||comments (0)|
What is a fear? It's an emotional response to a precieved threat. Instantly a person has a feeling of anxiety and goes into a defensive state in order to protect themselves from the threat. Everybody is scared of something in life, wether it be needles, the dark, bees, relationships, heights, ect. Yes...I am scared of all of those, but none of which is my worst fear. My worst fear is not being able to do everything I want to do in life before it's too late.
I have seen so many people with dreams and desires and they just let them vanish into the dark or let other people stand in the way of their true fantasies. Nobody knows how long they have to do what they want. What happens if you go to sleep and never wake up? If I knew I was going to die tomorrow I would be extremely unsatisfied with what I have done in life and would regret opportunities I have passed up. Life is so short and precious these days. I have been in so many freak accidents where people have been shocked that I have made it out with minor injuries. Each time I walked away and thought nothing of it. I have been in car accidents, been pushed head first into the metro tracks, had horses fall on top of me...I just had the cat mentality that I had 9 lives and have only gone through about 4 of them so why rush? Wrong! I have seen so many of my friends pass away due to incidents just like that. Why put life on hold just because you THINK you have time?
Everybody runs around and has set expectations on what school to go to, what job to apply for, and how much money they should be making. Life has become so routine and planned. Why are these people's expectations out of life? Who decided that life was based on how many hours you work and what type of clothes you have in your closet...what neighborhood you live in or what car you drive? What do those things get you in life? What memorable experience can working 12 hours a day, going home, and doing it all over again get you? I know money is a factor in providing a way for people to do the things they want, but when a lot of people get the money they don't use it on experiencing life. What is the point in being overworked just to make money when you get no time to enjoy life around you. Time doesn't stop just because you are busy. The years seem shorter and shorter as time goes on. If you don't make the money it takes to accomplish major experiences, why not focus on the little things that can be free?
The world is so large and has so many things to offer and see. Nobody will be able to experience everything the earth posesses, but why not try? I use to stick with what was comfortable and familiar. I was okay with going through each day doing the things I did the day before, hanging out with the same people, and eating the same foods. But I sat back and realized my life was boring! It just wasn't enough....Right now I'm working at a normal job, in a normal office, and living in a normal townhouse. I feel like the time for me to really live life and enjoy it is passing by each day. I want to be able to wake up and do something I've never done before, go somewhere I've never seen, and eat foods that I have never tried before. I have recently been trying to step out more and more. Somebody once told me that I was living in the moment like it was a bad thing....but why? If you don't take advantage out of random last minuite opportunities or do things that you may never be able to do again, how are you living life to the fullest? Why not seize the chance to make a new memory that you will never forget? I thought about what this person said and realize they are wrong! People know I use to be the cautious and safe girl that pondered and analyzed situations before acting/not acting on them. Since I have left that girl behind I have experienced wonderful things that I would have never seen or done. People can lose their houses, get their car repossed, lose everything they have....but nobody can ever take away a memory or experience. Even though I have gotten a taste of what is out there, it is not even the tip of the iceburg.
I have so many things I want to do still, but I am scared I am never going to be able to get out of this ordinary rut I am stuck in to do them. My mind is too curious to just sit back and everyday and not be able to experience something new and wonderful. Don't get me wrong...I do love sitting on the front porch with a nice glass of wine and just relaxing, but sometimes you just have to look at the sky and wonder what else is out there. Well while sitting there wondering this I also wonder why some people get to find out while I'm sitting there daydreaming about it. Thats when I thought about the list I had made in college. I wrote down some of the things I wanted to do in life and never really looked at it again. Well the list is coming back out and I am actually going to try to act on some of the things I have down. If you don't make your dreams come true, they never will. I think people should make a point to at least attempt to do what they want while they can. Why go through life and not enjoy it.....
My Bucket List
(things I did after making the list are in red)
|Posted by mandy mcmahan on August 20, 2010 at 1:50 PM||comments (1)|
I briefly mentioned Ronnie in my first blog, but didn't go into detail because he deserves his own post. I met Ronnie in one of my math classes in high school. We instantly became best friends. I blame him for my poor math skills because all we did was pass notes back and forth the entire class period. We began doing everything together. Ronnie drove me home everyday from school and we would just lay in my parents hamock and talk for hours. I had never met anybody like him before. Ronnie was the kind of person who made me feel like I wanted to be a better person. He was never mean to anyone and had a warm welcoming demeanor about him. He could light up a room with even the smallest smile. We soon began dating and became even closer. I told him things that I still to this day haven't told anyone else. Like all high school relationships there were outside factors that complicated things. We decided to just be friends again considering we were so close. The only time we ever fought with each other was when we were worried about the other persons well being. I enjoyed every minuite we spent together and wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.
Once I went to college we saw each other alot less. We both were dating other people who didn't understand the relationship we had with each other. I would still swing by Tippy's where he worked when I came into town or grabbed a beer with him after he was done. It was always great to see him and catch up. Even though we didn't see each other as much anymore we still talked on the phone quite frequently. I knew if I ever needed somebody to talk to he would be there. Towards the end we would call and vent about our relationships to each other. Ronnie would always joke about how we should just get out, start dating again, and get married. We always just laughed it off but it secretly made me feel very good. I was so proud of all of his accomplishments. He ran his dad's business with him, he was buying a house, and had really straightened his life out. He was an inspiration to alot of people. Ronnie had convinced me that us and our friend kim were going to go on a cruise the next summer which I thought was really exciting considering I had never been. Unfortunatly he didn't make it to the following summer.
I had gone to Atlantic City a few days before heading home to Warrenton for Thanksgiving. Ronnie was supposed to come over to hang out with my family and I who absolutly loved him as much as I did.While on the way to Warrenton I recieved a call from Kim which I thought was a call like any other. I excitedly invited her to come over and hang out with all of us and she quickly realized nobody had told me the news. After she insisted on me pulling over she proceeded to tell me that our sweet Ronnie had passed away. I don't think I have ever felt such a painful and devastating feeling before. All I could do was cry and scream at god for taking such a wonderful person from us so soon. My friends picked me up off of highway 81 and drove me home that night. I don't know how long I had sat there, but it felt like an eternity. I just didn't understand why he wasn't sitting at the countertop in my parents kitchen eating chips and salsa and telling jokes. Even after attending the memorial I still don't feel like it is real. I called his phone over and over just to listen to his voicemail in hopes that one time it would ring and he would answer. I know everybody grieves in different ways, but I think I can't accept it, because I don't want to let go. I felt like Ronnie was the person I could always turn to when I needed comfort and love. I know I can still talk to him, but its not the same. I visit him every year on his birthday and around Thanksgiving. Sometimes Kim and I drive out and cheers a shot of tequila with him in case heaven ran out. Its hard knowing I can't just pop into Tippy's and see him at the counter smiling. He meant the world to his family and friends. I moved back to Warrenton shortly after and it's just not the same. I have a feeling that anybody who had the opportunity of meeting Ronnie feels the same way. I can't help but smile everytime I think of him. The way I look at is now is that Ronnie was just an angel that was sent down to be with us for a short time. He touched a lot of peoples lives in a lot of different ways. I feel blessed to have known such a special person, and know I will see him again one day.
|Posted by mandy mcmahan on August 19, 2010 at 1:30 PM||comments (0)|
My life has been pretty interesting. I was born and raised in Texas. We moved to Waco where I grew up. Yea..I know what you are thinking but we aren't all crazy. I instantly fell in love with horses and anything related to them. I started out playing baseball and when I didcovered softball my parents put me on a team to see if I liked it. This became my new infatuation. I played on the Midway All-Star team multiple years and in 1999 we played in and won the Little League World Series in Portland, Oregan. This was a really cool accomplishment for an 11yr old. Along the way I had a lot of support. My mimi was my biggest fan. She was at every game sitting in the front row. I always knew I could count on her. My dad coached most of my teams and my mom and sister were my cheering section. I loved softball because of pressure to not let people down who are counting on you. I feel like this is the cause of my competative nature. Things could not have been better at this point in time.
My perfect little world came shattering down when my parents got divorced. It got even worse when my parents got remarried. Not because of the people they married (who are wonderful) but because they moved to opposite sides of the country. My mom and sister went to Virginia and my dad and I went to California. It seemed like we were on different continents. I was very sad to leave Texas, but I was excited about experiencing a new place. Oh how wrong I was...I went to the first day of middle school proudly wearing my World Series championship jacket, which would have been highly respected and liked in Texas. I was made fun of instantly for being a tom boy and made fun of for my southern accent. The kids in California didn't like me because I was different, but I didn't like that they were all the same. Nobody even took the time to get to know me until I changed the way I dressed and formed into their "bubble". I made friends but still just wasn't happy. I felt like my horse was the only true friend I had. I spent more time with him than anyone, but at least he let me know he cared. I believe it is because of him that I was able to make it through so many tough times during my childhood. I decided to move to Virginia the summer before high school, which was also a very big change. My parents both took me living with one or the other personally, but that wasn't the case. I just wanted to fit in somewhere.
I was shocked on my first day at school there as well. I realized while hiding behind sports and horses I had become completely sheltered to the real world outside of Irvine California. People accused me of being all kinds of things, including the assumption I was sexually active just because they were. They were mean to me because of reasons I still haven't figured out. It was my first day of high school and I hadn't even thought about kissing a boy and didn't plan on it any time soon. I had made friends over the summer who came to my rescue and once I made the Varsity softball team people started to open up to the "new girl". I am thankful I went to Culpeper because I was able to meet somebody extremely special. My best year of high school was the year I met Ronnie. I will get into that in another blog....There were alot of ups and downs in high shcool and alot of things I wish I had done differently, but it was all a learning experience and shaped who I am today. I actually went back out to California for a year and tried it one more time, but it once again didn't work. I returned to Culpeper and graduated in 2005.
Once I left for college my life took another large turn. I had been dating a guy that I was with at the end of high school who turned out to not be very nice after all....suprise suprise. One night after I had found out very hurtful information, I went out with friends and my old buddy tequila. Once stumbling back to my apartment I walked in on my roommates weekly poker game. Low and behold there is my ex sitting there dumping chips. I muttered a few choice words under my breath, watched him lose him money (much to my enjoyment), and then went to bed. Not before noticing David...He was sitting there shuffling his chips and probably laughing to himself about the akward situation going on. There was something about him that just caught my attention. I didn't see him for awhile after that but apparently he saw me. One day while in the bookstore David was behind me while I was having a meltdown because they didn't have the books I needed. He then was walking behind me while I was letting my mom know exactly how I felf about the campus bookstore. I probably sounded like a "female dog". After a few more very strange and quite funny run ins with each other we started dating. We instantly became the poster couple out of our groups of friends. All we did was go to class (when I drug him there), played one on one beer pong, and just had fun. We soon moved in together and things were going very well...at first. We didn't realize until it was too late that we had moved onto the "street of breakups". Every couple that lived on that street ended their realtionship. We were the last to get hit by it out of our friends. We started fighting like cats and dogs..mainly because we were so much alike. Of course he started a job that brought a bunch of homewrecking hookers into our lives which finally ended the relationship. Even though we broke up and David had moved out we still couldn't stay away from each other. Well...it didn't help that he only moved 3 doors down. It has always been on again off again with the two of us. Its weird, but the one thing that always brought us back was poker. Whenever things got bad one of us would text the other "atlantic city on the dl?" We would leave at all hours, unplanned, and it was always a good time. We would have fun from the second we got into the car until arriving from the grueling drive back. Sometimes we would go down for a couple nights and end up staying a week. Nothing bad ever happened there when we were together. There was no fighting or turmoil...we just played poker and then had a good time. It was even more fun playing on the same table because neither of us hesitated on taking the other one out. My time in Harrisonburg was cut short though after a great Atlantic city trip followed by a devistating phone call. Thats when the next chapter in my life began.....